Jessicarrot

“Mousie, you pull off the head. Princess Hello-Kitty, you pull off the arms, Froggie, you pull off the legs, Horsie you scrape the belly. Okay? Okay. Now. Get back in.”

The willing accomplices.

I have been thinking about the latest Masterpiece Theater for days. I didn’t like it. I have a hard time identifying why exactly things bother me. So I’ve started writing this and then walked away several times. I think I might have a more solid idea now. For one, we don’t really know much about what Jane Austin thought or felt because most of her personal letters were destroyed by her sister. And secondly–the main point seemed to be that Jane had to choose loneliness in order to bring us her 6 classic novels. Like she sacrificed herself for acedemia. I do not want to believe that you can’t have love and family and write good fiction. Is it true? Can you write about love so succinctly without ever having felt it? Would it have been possible for her to marry, have children, and write? Apparently, parenting wasn’t as hands-on in Austen’s time. She herself was sent off at a couple month’s old. (From Wikipedia)

“After a few months at home, Mrs. Austen placed her daughter with a woman living in a nearby village who wetnursed and raised Austen for a year or eighteen months.^[23] Following this, Austen was educated at home, largely by her father, until leaving for boarding school with her sister Cassandra early in 1783.”

I’m trying not to judge, but it seems to me if the culture you are a part of gives child-rearing over to professionals, you’d have enough time on your hands to pursue your own work. But I don’t know. I don’t have servants to oversee. Maybe what bothers me most is that the way it was presented, we’re to feel sorry for Jane. Maybe. I really think that when you are following your ambition, your heart, your passion in life you are happy. Austen could have married, been wealthy and provided for her family but she chose not to follow the conventions of the day. She chose not to accept a marriage proposal to a wealthy (but possibly ugly and annoying) man. She chose her destiny. And she instructed her niece to do anything but marry without love.

“I shall now turn around & entreat you not to commit yourself farther, & not to think of accepting him unless you really do like him. Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection”

I choose not to believe Jane had regrets. She spent her life doing what she wanted to do. She wrote amazing fiction, poetry and prose. She was committed to her work so much that she continued to write as she was slowly dying of some terrible disease. I can’t compare myself to Jane Austen by any stretch of imagination. Except that I know I’m doing what I want to do with my life. I can look at where I’ve been, what I’ve accomplished and most importantly who I’ve loved–and loved into existence and I feel tremendous joy. It would really aggravate me if someone were to take liberties with my thoughts a hundred years from now and assume that I regret a single moment of my life. Every thing I’ve done and every decision I’ve made has brought me to who I am. I think they got one thing right in the movie–the scene where Fannie the niece learns that Jane turned down a marriage proposal in her youth and that knowledge changes how she thinks of aunt Jane–as if it somehow validates Jane as a woman. Jane turns on the niece and says, “You can hate me if you want, but don’t you dare feel sorry for me.” That should have been the title and central theme.

I am sick, but this scene from Anchorman (probably THE stupidest, most grotesque movie ever) is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Jack Black’s cameo in the movie is the only redeeming thing about it. I couldn’t find a video that was just right. This one is only missing the part after Jack kicks the dog where he says, “Thats how I roll.” Instead it has that lame song from the SNL spoof of the OC.

So BJay is a huge fan of PBS. Especially the programs “Nature” and “Nova”. I always roll my eyes when he insists on watching these programs. I don’t know what my problem is. I am just so bored with science and nature documentaries, usually. I like to watch tv mindlessly…to be entertained. But, if I’m honest I’ve learned some fascinating things while being forced into educational television. Last night B was watching the Nature program he recorded on Sunday with the children and he said, “Jess, you’ve got to see this!” I was busy doing–well keeping busy and I said, “I highly doubt I’m interested.” The program was Unforgetable Elephants and I have to admit that it was interesting. Fascinating even. To hook me in, BJay cued the documentary on an Elephant birth. He explained that there is a gland on the sides of the Elephant’s faces that oozes when they are experiencing intense emotions (they cry). And then he pushed play. Elephant families are matriarchal societies–another fascinating thing about them. So there at the birth of baby “Ebony” were all her aunts and sisters and mother. From the PBS webpage I linked above, “The excitement of several of the females in Echo’s family can’t be contained as they are heard bellowing and blaring during the birth of the new baby.” But even more interesting, they were all crying.

The film maker Martyn Colbeck spent 15 years following this one elephant family. The Matriarch was called “Echo”. He got to know the family intimately–recognizing each member individually. He got emotionally involved with their story. And their story played out like any human drama with joy, laughter, sadness, and plenty of surprise. One surprising thing Colbeck showed was a calf abduction. Another family stole one of the babies in Echo’s family by circling around the calf, protecting her as one of their own. This act (of course) was not tolerated by Echo or her girls. Just as you would expect a group of women to do in that situation– They charged into the circle, retrieved the baby with all the fierce love and rage of a mother. Then, as they fled with the rescued calf, they cried. It was beautiful. I was totally wrong.

Anyone who does laundry for small children knows that it is really hard to keep up with little socks. The smaller they are, the harder it is to keep up with… or maybe its me. Every time I do the wash I end up with fewer of Gabe and Hannah’s socks. Today I found out where they were all going…

The washing machine, literally eats them! Now whenever I do the whites I have to check the rubber (gasket?). The unfortunate thing is that it took me a year to figure this out. Seriously, a year of opening the washing machine and thinking, hmmm pungent. What is that smell?

Also, I bought this tiny Christmas tree for Hila at a yard sale for 50 cents. This afternoon she was very excited to show me something in her room. She had decorated the tree with her hair clips. Adorable.

And lastly, the cupcakes I made for Asher’s class. I learned that some children do not like chocolate. Where did their parents go wrong?

So yesterday was the big meeting at Asher’s school. BJay and I met with Asher’s teacher, the school Psychologist, Speech pathologist, Occupational therapist, Exceptional education director, and the vice principal. I missed the first few minutes discussion on developmental appropriate curriculum. But I got the sense that everyone was on the same page as we are. Very frustrated. That was the first good sign. Each of the specialists who evaluated Asher presented their evaluation. B and I decided we were just going to listen. I went in almost resigned to pulling Asher out an homeschooling him. His teacher’s assessment that he has Asbergers meant one of two things to me. 1. He’s disruptive and annoying and she needs help with him. or 2. She is genuinely concerned for his success in school and wants to get him help to be a better student. Thankfully it was the latter. Each of the people who presented their evaluation started out by saying “Asher is delightful, or Asher is a sweet boy, or Asher is a fun little guy.” And that was important to me. Not just because it made me feel good. But it was important to me to know that the people who are spending the most waking hours with my son at least like him.

Tangent–I had a teacher in 3rd grade that was horrible. Mizzz Hobletzel, you are probably dead by now so if you can read this in the next life–just know I did everything in my power as an 8 year old child to get you to like me. I felt myself fortunate not to be Rene. You told her she had a boy’s name. You used insult as your discipline. What a miserable old lady you were. I laugh now when I look at my old scrapbook where I made a cross stitch pattern on graph paper that said “I (heart) Mz. Hobletzel”. When I gave it to you you smiled in your arrogant way and handed it back to me. I’m glad. You didn’t deserve my heart.

Anyway, Asher is not disruptive. And the specialists and his teacher convinced me that they see him for the sweet, thoughtful little boy he is. He does have some of the characteristics of a child with Asbergers. No tantrums or meltdowns but he does have problems with pragmatic language. From the evaluation, “(Asher) is noted to speak tangentially with topic shifts. He does not respond to body/physical cues or verbal cues that the is off topic.” LOL. Sound familiar? Here was her example:

Question: Why are people afraid of lightening?

Asher: “Because it goes ka-pow and it would burn a small hole and if it came to school it would hit the playground and it would make a rock. I need a microscope. I don’t have a microscope. It went on a fast train and has fast wheels and I found a small train and it went really fast and I never had a train before.”

The occupational therapist found that Asher needs some help with personal organization…again sounds pretty familiar. But the thing that everyone was most concerned with was the fact that Asher doesn’t connect with other children and has a hard time asking for help when he doesn’t understand something… is this me or Asher we’re talking about? Anyway these are all things they assured me they can teach him to do. Really? I wish someone had taught me how to connect with my peers and feel comfortable asking for helpwhen I was 6. If someone had taught me how to organize myself in Kindergarten I might be eons ahead of myself right now. So we agreed to let them put an AU for autism on Asher’s file. Starting Monday he will get extra help from the exceptional education teacher every day in reading and math. Twice a week he will meet with the speech pathologist and occasionally with the occupational therapist. I generally believe that we have to deal with our own problems. There are a lot of people who have this annoying sense of entitlement when it comes to public education. If their child struggles or has problems *too many* people lay the burden on the teacher or the system. Too many people think they are owed something in all aspects of our culture. BJay learned that firsthand in his short career as a high-school teacher. If parents would show up for parent teacher conference at all, they were completely unwilling to put forth any effort to assist their own children. Maybe they weren’t capable, I don’t know. I was determined not to be that parent. But the thing I’ve learned from all of this is… it is an amazing feeling to know that other people in this world can root for your child’s success. We have a team of people who are working to ensure Asher’s success in school. That is incredible! I feel very lucky to have so much energy behind him. And of course, we are going to do everything in our power at home with him to make sure he enjoys learning and becomes a good citizen of the world. I have so much respect for the people who dedicate their lives to educating children. Its a difficult and often thankless job. This is not to say that I might not eventually pull Asher out and home-school him. I just know that for now, I feel this is the best path for him.

When I was blogging a few years ago almost everything I had to say was political. I don’t know why. It was important to me then. This time around I feel like it just takes too much energy to think about politics. It is so much more comfortable to adore my children and the things they say. I have scanned the debates with mild enthusiasm. I’ve mostly kept my mouth shut when people were discussing candidates. I know who I don’t like. But I haven’t let myself get too attached to anyone because I know that by the time the primaries and caucuses are over, they guy (no gals I can support just yet) I like will probably be out of the race. That is the way its always gone. So usually my only option is a vote against someone. Last time around I was voting against John Kerry. I didn’t love George Bush, but I had confidence he’d do a better job. Despite his approval rating and his serious lack of coherent public speaking skills–I don’t regret my vote. And I think time will tell what Bush’s legacy will be. I haven’t been super excited about any one of the R candidates. I’m not too concerned about the D candidates. Maybe I will be once there is a nominee to pick on. Anyway getting to my point… I have followed the Romney campaign with mild interest. Not only because he shares my faith. I kind of get Oprah’s annoyance when people assume she’s supporting Obama because he’s black. I don’t want people to think that I support Romney just because he’s a mormon. But now that the field has narrowed considerably I almost hate to hope that Romney has a chance. I will be very disappointed if he doesn’t get the nomination now because I don’t know if I could vote for McCain. Rasmussen has Romney solidly 2 points behind McCain. I hope the media is underestimating Romney. And there I go, starting to hope.