Jessicarrot

First of all, I have to say that as a Conservative I swallow the whole “Hillary is the anti-Christ” hook, line and sinker. For reasons I can not explain, I just don’t like her. She’s such a politician. And if the emailed video clips I’ve gotten are to be believed, she’s a lying snake who has no problem throwing her friends with money into South American prisons… So I am surprised at myself for feeling sorry for her. I didn’t think much of her tears, and I was uncomfortable with her desperate attempt at humor on the late night comedy shows. Somewhere deep inside I am rooting for her. That is a horrible thing for me to admit. Now maybe its because if she gets the nomination (which seems impossible) she’ll be less likely to win the presidency than Obama. Maybe. But I found myself defending her for “misspeaking” about her war-zone experience. Why? Am I losing my mind? I really think there is something to emotional memories though. And I think its entirely possible if you are going into a war zone with your daughter (although I can’t imagine why you would do that) you might remember things differently. All the soldiers around her were in helmets and flak jackets. Pffft. Oh well. Maybe its just in my nature to root for the underdog. That would explain a lot. Maybe I’m easily influenced… Doesn’t really matter I guess.

1. How much do you think emotions influence our memories? My mom and her sister talked about a traumatic event from their childhood and they both remembered it very differently. If our emotions can alter the way we remember things, or everyone remembers the same event in a different way, how is it ever possible to find out what really happened?

2. The other night I went into the kitchen to find a knife (not for any psycho reason, I think I just wanted to cut a string or something??) I didn’t turn on the light, but walked strait to a drawer that I know I don’t keep knives in, but still I opened it and pulled out a knife. Weird? Am I psychic?

3. My sister-in-law said that Hannah would adjust to formula, and it appears that she has. Could she be right about other things? Nobody told me how stinky formula poop is though…

4. Why can’t they have a home-strep-throat test? It seems like it would decrease exposure if you didn’t have to go into the Dr’s office to get your throat swabbed.

5. There are a lot of new fun laminate countertops. If we were going to stay in this house forever I’d get something funky and modern.

6. Why is it so cute when a 2 year old toddles up to your bed at 3am and says, “Mommy, I eeep with you?” But its not so cute at 5am when he’s got you scooted all the way to the edge of the bed and his knee is in your spine?

7. Seriously, why in the heck do they put red dye in infant Tylenol? Don’t they know 1/3 off it comes right back out?

A friend posted this and I just have to put it up. Its too funny. I dedicate this to all women who have ever dealt with a man who is sick…

A friend of mine emailed me this early this morning with a note, “This is worth 11 minutes of your time.” If you watch Oprah, you might have seen this already. It hit so close to home for me I thought I’d share…

This morning Hila came in to the kitchen where I was and gave me the following instruction:

“Mom, make something I can open up and it will surprise me.”

So I got down her bag of candy she collected at Mema’s egg hunt yesterday. She was not pleased. She then clarified,

“No mom, I wanted you to make a chain of paper dolls.”

Huh. Isn’t that interesting. So I’m wondering if I’m modeling this kind of vague instruction and disappointment when people fail to read my mind? Or was it just that she thought her initial instruction was clear. Either way I see myself doing that all the time. At least BJay says I do. Unless I specifically spell out everything that I want I have to get used to getting his interpretation of what I want. And the interpretation is never very close.

(I just found that was an interesting little exchange. I don’t usually let Hila get away with bossing me around.)

***

I’m troubled that Hannah seems to have developed some separation anxiety. I was planning on doing my RAI in the beginning of May. This means that I’m supposed to be weening Hannah right now and that in May I’ll have to separate myself from my children for a week or so. The weening isn’t going great. I fix Hannah a bottle, and she somehow knows that it is her food and gets excited up until the moment she tastes the formula and then she scrunches up her face and is very displeased. When she is hungry enough she’ll take about 2-3 ounces. Between her distaste for formula and her anxiety about other people holding her–I am very uneasy about the prospect of having to leave my darling baby.

Interestingly though, no one is putting pressure on me to do the RAI. I’ve made my own timeline based on our medical insurance. I’m scheduled to switch insurance in May so I was hoping to finish my treatment on my “good” insurance. If only money weren’t an issue I would feel fine about putting off the RAI a little longer. But it seems absolutely insane that money is what is driving this very unnatural early weening. And I wonder if my baby senses how I dread leaving her with someone else every time I hold her? I’m so conflicted. Part of me wants to get it over with so I can stop stressing about it. And part of me wants to put it off as long as I can so I don’t have to think about it and my life and my children don’t have to be affected. Sigh. My girls haven’t been sleeping well lately either. Is it intuition? And if it is, is there any way to shield my girls from my anxiety or my crazy logic or my paranoia? Or are we just doomed as women to be like our moms?

Sunday afternoon I was making brownies, went to check on them and the oven was stone cold. The brownies were still batter. It had been warm when I put them in, but 30 minutes later, nothing. I have a brand new oven–just over a year old so I was super annoyed. Mostly because the warranty just ran out. The digital display wasn’t doing anything, but the stovetop worked. So we headed over to my mom’s, cooked the brownies and came home late. I fully expected to have to either pay for a really expensive repair or buy a new oven. But once again, I underestimated the fixing abilities of BJay. After locating the breaker to the oven outlet and a $6 trip to Lowes, my oven is good as new. Brilliant. We have never in our married life payed for a car to go to a mechanic. Nor did we have to hire an electrician like I thought we would to install lights in the family room where there was no overhead lighting. The ability to fix things is supernatural to me. I just don’t get how things work. So I am always amazed when BJay is able to tackle blown head-gaskets, tiling the bathroom and kitchen, repairing non-functioning cars, computers, ovens. I really think he’s a genius. I wonder how much money we’ve saved over the years. Now if he could only figure out how to do our dental work and deliver babies. Totally kidding!