Jessicarrot

I’m not really there.

That shadow, that flash.

That moment you almost forget.

Between the night and the day,

Between that empty and lucid moment in your dream

I’m the instant of recognition when you realize something is amiss.

A friendly face that suddenly turns dark.

I know you.

I hate you.

I will do everything in my power to destroy you.

I’m not really there…

I don’t even exist.

(A silly over-breakfast exchange ended with me calling BJay a dork.)

BJay to the kids: Who thinks daddy is a dork?

Hila: Me!

Asher: Me! Uh, mom…why did you marry a dork?

*(Ummm… I don’t know where the spell check went… Now you can see how bad my spelling is.)

We went to my sister-in-law’s house last night for games and pizza. It was fun and we stayed too late. As we were driving home a storm was coming in and we were awed by bright flashes of lightening and low rumbling thunder. The radio announced that there was a tornado watch for our area. I found myself wishing that we’d come home and find our house had been destroyed by a fallen pine tree. We have a whopper of a pine tree in our front yard. Anywhere it falls it would pretty much take out the house. Isn’t that a funny thing to wish? Of course I’d want the destruction to happen when we are all somewhere else. But I think we’d have a lot more fun on weekends if we were rid of this money-pit of a fixer house. Every weekend is a project and if we don’t do anything on the house I feel like we’re slacking and move back my expected date of completion another year. Luckily for me I don’t have any stuff that I’d be upset to lose either. Stuff that is. I think our neighbors would be thrilled too. Our sister ugly house in the neighborhood was purchased by a well-to-do retired couple at the begining of the year and they’ve completely remodeled and painted (with the help of about 20 different contractors). So our house is the sad lonely ugly duckling of the neighborhood. We have so much to do to finish the inside we haven’t really done much to the outside. Every other yard on the street is well-manicured and pristine. I have to laugh sometimes. But I wonder if my neighbors are wishing a tornado to drop down on our house raise property values for the neighborhood. Its funny. I guess.