Minimal side-effects

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I should be counting my blessings.  I have four of the cutest, sweetest children in the universe, a roof over my head, food to eat–and for the time being I’m cancer free.  My post-therapy scan was clean, huge blessing.  Even more of a blessing was that I had almost no side-effects from my RAI.  Nothin.  I’m not losing my hair, my salivary glands aren’t swollen and sore, I still have my sense of taste, I didn’t gain a bunch of weight… It was pretty much a walk in the park.  I did have some mild nausea in the first few days, but a couple days of nausea is nothing to cry about.  The one thing I’ve noticed though is that I am super annoyed about things.  Things that I should be able to let go.  Things that shouldn’t bother me.  I am experiencing a lot of anger that I don’t know how to deal with.  I find myself incapable of voicing my anger and annoyance with people.  Usually that works, I can just cool off, forget it.  I really hope this is a strange side-effect of RAI.  Maybe a consequence of fluctuating hormones.  Maybe my feelings are legitimate.  Its hard to tell.  I hope I’m not losing my mind.  I had always hoped that when I’m a mature older woman I’ll be able to say the things that I think about saying.  I just can’t give myself permission to say what I think.  Not even with this new perspective I have.  Not even as an older and wiser cancer survivor.  Hmmph.

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