Jessicarrot

Per her request, Hila woke up to a room full of balloons and had cake for breakfast.  She really enjoyed wielding the birthday girl authority over the day.  I adore my sweet little girl, she is so thoughtful, and very patient with me.

Hila, the summer of 2006 age 3

Hila, nearly 4

Hila, 4th birthday cake

Hila, first day of kindergarten last year.

Hila, self portrait summer 2009

Hila, with her build-a-bear unicorn on Hannah’s birthday.

Hila, blowing out the candles on her princess castle birthday cake.  Happy 6th birthday, Hila!!  I love you so much.

Happy Birthday, you sweet, beautiful little rascal!  What a blessing it has been for you to grow up near all the people who love you.

I am not the type to read self-help books.  I never read any books on child-rearing…and I’m not saying that is a good thing!  I just have this stubborn, arrogant personality and I guess I think I really can just dive in and figure it out.  A lot of times I can.  I think I had most of the tools for parenting handed down from my mother, who was great.  But I could have really used some basic skills in organization and scheduling… Anyway, I’m rambling.  I decided that I was going to homeschool.  I knew why it was important to me, I knew that it had certain advantages for my children but I just sort of threw myself into headlong without a clear idea of how I was going to do it or what my goals were.  I am not a trained teacher, but I know what I want my kids to learn and I know I didn’t learn the things I wish I did in school… so basically I’ve spent a good chunk of money on books and work-books and kits with a little bit of success.  But until this morning, early at 2am I didn’t REALLY know what I was doing.  Now I have a map!

I started reading The Well Trained Mind, finally.  Plenty of people have told me to read it.  But I’m such an idiot that I rarely read things people tell me to read, just because I figure if something was that important I’d find it on my own.  I have issues.  Anyway, this book absolutely blew my mind.  It is exactly what I was looking for.  I learned that I was doing a bunch of things right.  But I also learned that I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong.  Most importantly, it told me exactly which books to buy and how much time to spend each day, and the order of importance each concept is to get my children to learn exactly what I want them to know.  Grammer.  There is a reason they used to call it Grammer school.  It used to be the place where people got the building blocks of all learning.  I highly reccomend reading this book, its absolutely brilliant.

The Well-Trained Mind (A Guide to Classical Education at Home) by Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer.

So, I’m a little obsessed with ancient Greek myths at the moment.  I don’t know what about it excites me so much.  I remember thinking how boring the Illiad was in high school, maybe it just takes some perspective to really understand it.  I think I’m there, right now.  The point of perspective.  And I’m tired.

I am so tired of the psychotic predictability of women.  I’m tired of bearing the brunt of female volatility.  Its bizarre the way we love to tear each other down, to play the game or whatever it is we’re doing.  Even with good intentions, you can’t escape the ugliness.  So right now I’m really digging Medusa.  She’s not unlike my favorite Hindu diety, Kali.  They are very similar actually.  They are represented with the same powerful mien.  Flashing angry eyes, mouth wide open, sometimes with the tonge lolling all the way out.

I have a lot of sympathy for Medusa actually.  She’s a monster that was created and distorted, and I think very misunderstood.  I know she’s not a real person.  I’m just embracing the ideas here.  Medusa was a young, beautiful maid whose crowning feature was her beautiful flowing blond hair.  As she worshiped in the temple of Athena, she was raped by Poseidon, the God of the sea.  Athena was so offended that her temple was defiled, that she turned Medusa’s beautiful hair into a mass of serpents and distorted her face so that the sight of it would turn anyone to stone.

I don’t know if we are supposed to feel sympathy for Medusa or not, but I see Athena’s punishment of her as an ancient reflection of the way women work.  As a woman, its much easier to take down a woman than a man.  We know where we’re vulnerable.  We know how to subtly get in for the kill.  We know what is important to each other.  And we can’t stand to see (another woman) have something, learn something or accomplish something that we haven’t.  That is a pretty jaded thing to say and think.  But I think it holds true for the most part.  There will always be a few golden treasures, true friends.  And I am privileged to have a few of those.  But I am so tired of the way women usually tear each other down.  Its subtle, and always with “the best of intentions”.

I see the tragedy of Medusa, that she was horribly disfigured, and that that disfigurement continued to be a weapon after she was killed as indication of the potency of women’s powers for ill.

The repercussions of this are further reaching than we can imagine.