When I got married, nearly 12 years ago, I somehow lucked out and married the perfect man for me.  I’m saying its luck, but it probably has more to do with divine intervention or what some people might say the right alignment of stars.  I am serious. Ever noticed how knowing people makes you better aware of yourself?  Have you ever tried to map out the relationships you’ve had with other people and how they formed you, how the changed you or how they completely burned you out?

This idea came to me in the form of chemistry.   I don’t know how I’m not a chemist.  But, that is what people call it.  Chemistry.  The way we blend in to one another, the way we react to one another.  Sometimes its volatile, sometimes its a subtle poisoning.  Sometimes is a flash burn.  Sometimes its a slow burn.  But if you are lucky, like me–the elements are mutually respectful and tend to enhance and preserve one another.  Every single male I was ever interested in before I met my husband was the same.  Very artistic.  I am artistic, so it makes sense.  But I think the effect of two artistic people coming together is like lithium in water.  Immediate fireworks, followed by a slow burn-down.  Its easy to see why that is exciting and wonderful.  How one could get hooked on the chemical reaction.  But it doesn’t last.  It can’t last.  Just think about it.  Can you think of one artist-artist couple who survived?  I can’t.  In our society, we’re attracted to the flame. Its what we think love is, because that is how its been translated.  Even at 19, I saw the value of arranged marriages.  Of putting elements (man and woman) together in a way harmonious with the stars, instead of letting them attract each other and watch the reaction.  Just look how unsuccessful this is, usually.  Most of the time, really.

When I met my husband, something moved inside my soul.  I didn’t recognize it as love.  Because loving–to me–always meant fireworks.  With my husband it was something cool and penetrating.  I am water.  When he settled into my mind, my thoughts, it moved me.  The way that a stone dropping into water moves water.  Not steam and fire, just concentric circles radiating outward to the shore.  The energy was gentle, I didn’t understand it at first.  Now I do, and I’m so grateful.  I’m grateful for the powers that moved us together.  I’m grateful that I knew–even without knowing.  We lie together warming and cooling with the earth and its as it should be.  Beautiful, sustainable, lovely…eternal.

Lately, I’ve been brought out of the literal world.  Into a litterary world.  I’m seeing things that I would have missed before, just because I am sensative to powers that are invisible.  Ideas, emotions, the stars, attraction.  Languages of blood and electricity.  There is an explanation for everything, I’ve learned.  The answers are not as exciting as the questions, if you know what I mean.

It takes a lot of courage to say what you believe. I’ve done it very seldomly. Maybe because I don’t want to come across as a zealot. Maybe because belief is of such a sacred nature, its hard to set it out there to be examined and picked apart. I believe in God. Not some apologetic Oprah version of “the Universe”. A real, embodied being who knows each and every one of us at our core, because he put us together. Every single molecule. There is no way to scientifically explain it, or prove it. But I know God is real. I know he has presided over this world, this universe and set into motion the enormous and microscopic celestial objects we are surrounded with. I believe that Jesus Christ is the literal offspring of God. And that He lives. I also believe that the Holy Spirit is a separate member of the Godhead. A being of Spirit who guides us through this mortal world. Believing that God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are separate beings sets me apart from mainstream Christians. The idea of the Trinity– That the three members of the Godhead are the same being is how mainstream Christianity define Christianity. I have never understood how you can read the Bible and understand the Atonement if God and Jesus are the same person. I have never understood why believing that makes you a Christian. And I have never understood why believing that Jesus Christ was the literal Son of God, was able to take upon Himself the sins of the world and Atone for us, laid down his mortal life, and was resurrected into a perfect immortal body makes me NOT a Christian. I believe in Christ. I know that it is only because of the Atonement I have any hope of returning to live with God. I am a Christian. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I did not serve a mission. I am in awe of those who do serve missions. It is incredibly hard work. In college when I was married, my husband and I sat in on some discussions between a young evangelical couple and some full time missionaries. They were good people. Inquisitive and respectful. The discussions entail the basic beliefs of our church, and there is always an invitation to be baptized. The couple declined, but still wanted to hear the rest of the discussions. When we got to the discussion about what happens to us after we die, the evangelicals were intrigued by the “three heavens” they had heard we believed in. The afterlife is another huge point of difference between mainstream Christians. As Latter Day Saints we believe that there are three degrees of Glory. We don’t believe in the fiery torment of hell. Not the way Evangelicals do. We believe that God will physically renew this earth to its paradisaical Glory, and that Heaven will be on this earth. This is the “heaven” that we live our lives to be worthy of. Only God can decide who is not admitted into the heaven. It is not our belief that those who do not share our beliefs will go to Hell. Everyone will have the opportunity to know the fullness of the Gospel and those who choose not to believe will go to some lesser degree of Glory. It is not our place or purpose to suppose who, if anyone- should be punished to live with the Adversary (Satan) for eternity. I take great comfort in the justice and mercy of God. I asked, out of curiosity what the couple believed would happen to them if they went to heaven. Their answer was that they would spend eternity singing praise to God. I had never heard that before. It seemed… strange to me. So at the end of the discussions when we asked the couple what they thought, if they would like to join our church they said. “Well, if we are right you are going to hell. If you are right we are going to heaven.” So they decided to stick with their faith. So when I saw this segment on ABC news tonight I was delighted. The interviewee was an Anglican Bishop, Tom Wright and he’s written a book that seems to get “heaven” right.

“In a radical departure from traditional belief, Wright says that Christians are not ultimately destined for a spiritual place called heaven. He says that at the end of time as we know it, God will literally remake our physical bodies and return us to a newly restored planet.

‘Heaven is important but it’s not our final destination,” he explained. “If you want to say that when someone dies they go to heaven, fine. But that’s only a temporary holding pattern that is life after death. And what I’m much more interested in, or the New Testament is much more interested in, is what I’ve called life after life after death.’ “

I haven’t read the book, obviously– but I was struck by this comment,

“If you really believe that what happens at death is that you leave behind the world of space, time and matter, you are never going to be bothered with it again, you’re never going to have a physical body again and that ultimately God is going to throw this whole world on the rubbish heap somewhere, then what’s the fuss to work for justice in the present?” he said. “What’s the fuss about AIDS, what’s the problem about global debt, you know these are trivial and irrelevant. What matters is whether you’re going to heaven tomorrow or next week.”

Yes! And that is the point isn’t it? That is what we are on this earth to do. Become better people. Because we aren’t going to stop being who we are when we die. I can’t imagine that God would go to all the trouble to put us in this world, give us bodies and give us the divine privilege of being part of raising children, witnessing life come into and out of this world if he just wanted to have us come back and sing to him for eternity. If he needed a heavenly choir, he wouldn’t have sent us to earth. We were already qualified to sing his praises without having an earthly experience. I think what he wants are people who are willing to learn, grow, put themselves aside for something greater. He wants us to aspire.

“Wright hopes that his new book will revive belief in the prospect of a new, physical heaven and earth, which he says will somehow materialize when God decides to rebuild and restore the universe — “Heaven and earth joined together in a new reality.”

I applaud Bishop Wright for writing his beliefs down and sending them out into the world. More importantly I applaud the way he is choosing to live his beliefs.

“Wright said the notion of new heavens and a new earth motivates him “enormously.”

“I work in a very tough area of Britain. There is not much hope sociologically where I live and work, they’re all sorts of conditions of poverty and deprivation and so on, I really do believe that the message of the kingdom of God is for places like this. …It’s because I believe in God’s kingdom of justice and peace already existing because of Jesus, and yet to come in the future, this gives me the energy and the focus to work for the kingdom of God in the present.”

Inspiring.

I just got an email with the news that Gordon B. Hinckley, our Prophet has died. He has been the prophet for my entire adult life. I read his biography while I was in college and I came to love and appreciate how hard he has worked for our church, his whole life. Starting immediately after returning from his mission. He’s had a hand in the Church’s public affairs since the 1930’s I guess. What I loved most about his biography was learning about him as a father and husband. He lived a long and full life. I do not feel sad when people who have lived good lives pass away. Sad that we won’t hear from him anymore in this life. But I know that he is reunited with his wife and family that passed on before. I know that he has to be feeling the great joy that his life produced. I am just a bit shocked. I’ve dreamed of Gordon B. two times. The first time I dreamed that I met him and he was somehow aware of my life. I woke up and googled his name to make sure he was still alive. The second time was just last night. I was trying to describe to my husband the scene. I was telling him that last time I dreamed of the Prophet I googled him to make sure he was still with us. As soon as I said those words I scanned my incoming emails and one of them was from my friend titled, “Pres. Hinckely has died”. I understand he died at home with his family around him. I don’t think there could be a better way to pass from this world to the next.

How Silently, how silently

The wonderous gift is giv’n!

So God impoarts to human hearts

The blessings of his heav’n.

No ear may hear His coming;

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive him, still

The dear Christ enters in.

BJay and I were asked to be Mary and Joseph for our ward Christmas party. Hannah played Baby Jesus. She is a terrific actress. I laid her down in that scratchy hay and wire halo and she didn’t make a fuss. I was thinking about how old Mary must have been and it made me feel really old. Technically I think I could play Mary’s mother. If she was around 15 when she was married. Strange. I thought BJay was a very cool looking Joseph in the Kurta Pajama I got him in India. Well its probably the first and last time we ever get to be a nativity!

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